You Say You Want a Revolution
by Scarlett Rogue
Summary: Can he go through with it? Can he let this spirit turn him into a monster? Anders' inner conflict regarding the "Justice" quest.


**Summary: Can he go through with it? Can he let this spirit turn him into a monster? Anders' inner conflict regarding the "Justice" quest.**

**Rated: T**

**Note: Sorry if I screw up Justice's speech a bit; I'm still unfamiliar with him outside of Anders.**

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><p>"You want me to WHAT!"<p>

Anders sprang up from bed in utter shock, chest heaving and head pounding. Waking up to the words _"__blow up the Chantry"_ from the voice inside his head wasn't exactly welcome, especially while running on only an hour of sleep.

_You heard me correctly._

Anders shook his head in an attempt to wake himself up and felt a warm hand press against his abdomen. He peered down and saw Hawke's strong but delicate fingers pressing against him as she stretched in her sleep. Her short black hair clung to her clammy skin and she had kicked the thick red blanket off her body sometime in the night. Anders leaned over, pressed a chaste kiss to her sweaty forehead, and left the room silently.

He sensed an argument about to go down in his head and thought that yelling at himself wouldn't be the best way to wake his tired lover.

When he was safely downstairs on the other side of the house he threw his hands in the air.

"Are you insane!"

_Technically, no. The definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over in the same way and expecting different results. Based on that definition I am of sound mind and you, my friend, are insane._

Anders gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to lash out at the word "friend". That was a word he seldom used lately, never in reference to Justice. Not anymore.

"Care to explain how I am insane?"

_Anders, we both know the answer to this. You sit there, day after day, in that filthy clinic waiting for your chance to walk the streets free of fear or discrimination, but you never do anything useful about it!_

"Useful? We _help _people. _That's _what we do. I see nothing wrong with this."

_And sit back and watch mages suffer the same cruelty that has haunted your past. We can make it better. Not just for us; for ALL mages. Think about it. See things from my perspective._

Anders knew there was wisdom behind Justice's words; there always had been. But there was also anger, an anger that could take out anyone if it were unleashed fully. Anders took Justice's words with a grain of salt; he had changed too much when they joined. Anders was not ashamed to admit that he was terrified of Justice, terrified of the growing control he had over him.

_See what I see..._

Anders could see it all too clearly. Mages wandering freely around Kirkwall, buying things from merchants, stopping to chat with guards just like any other citizen. Templars more relaxed and friendly, focusing on fighting real criminals rather than the majority of the mages that they abused right now. Bethany out of the Circle, hugging her sister tight and smiling with that big, beautiful smile of hers.

How happy would Hawke be to have her only living family member back? After what happened to her mother, she _needed_ Bethany. Anders could see how blowing up the Chantry would eventually lead to such a life.

But not now. Every time he started to imagine the beautiful life he and Hawke could have, he smelled fire. He saw blood on his hands, blood that he could never wash off. He saw the pain in his lovers eyes as she begged him not to do it, the sorrow of so many Chantry members, the anger of his few friends.

No, blowing up the Chantry was madness.

_Madness? This is Justice!_

"Sod off for a few minutes, will you?"

_It is a bit hard for me to leave, you know._

"Well then, pretend you're not here!" he snapped. His mind was reeling, desperately trying to push the notion clean from his thoughts. But the seed had been planted and it only grew as the seconds ticked by.

"I can't do this," he muttered, his voice weak.

_You owe it to all mages to do what you can to save them._

"They'll kill me."

_Yes, they will. But that, too, is justice._

"Maker dammit, when does it stop? Please enlighten me! If blowing up the Chantry is justice for mages, me dying is justice for the Chantry, then who's going to need justice for my death?"

_I suppose Hawke will deal with-_

"And you're _fine _with that? Intentionally hurting her, knowing what this will do? You don't _care_ about her feelings at all?" Anders tried to calm himself down; it would not do to rip his _own_ throat out at this moment.

_It is a small price to pay for equality._

"It's not right. It's a bloody circle, don't you see? It will never stop! I can stop it now. I can _avoid _harming innocent people and continue to do my best for our people."

_If you wish. You and I both know that will only put the mages in a bad place when Meredith snaps. It is your choice if you want to risk millions of lives just to save your own._

Is this what it was about? His fear of death? No, it was about Hawke. It was about the innocent lives.

"There is no justice in what you ask of me," Anders said weakly. "Only vengeance."

_For now. _

Justice faded into the back of his mind and Anders curled up in a ball on his chair, allowing himself to let loose quiet but heart-wrenching sobs.

Because he was going to do it. He never really had a choice.

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><p><strong>This actually got erased the first time I wrote it. I think it didn't come out as well the second time, but please review and tell me what you thought!<br>**


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